Day Three: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Betcha thought I forgot today, eh?

I've a whole bunch of things.  Isn't that always the case though?  I'm not sure with everyone else, but I know I have always had a hard time forgiving myself for the things I've done.  But perhaps the one I am most angry with myself is how I treated my mother growing up.

Don't get me wrong, my mother wasn't perfect.  She made mistakes like any mother would.  But she did her best with what life had given her.  The problem lies in the fact that I was so arrogant to believe the one man in my life wouldn't manipulate his own son.  And I fell for, and accepted everything he said in relation to my mother.  I bought it all.  And I turned it on a woman would would love me over anything. 

There was a time in my youth when I would tell you I hated my mother.  Everything she said and did I was immediately against.  Even when it made logical sense, simply because she said it.  All the vile, hateful things fed to me skewed my view of what was really being done for me.

I know Mom has forgiven me...if she even held it against me that is.  She even tries to downplay it now, saying I was young and naive.  It's sweet of her, but it doesn't really click with me.  I did it consciously.   I chose to be so angry with her.  And it's something I'll probably have to actually face at one time or another in my life.